Ok so I have been feeling a little crazy recently; In this industry it's very hard to know who to trust and sometimes you feel suffocated, smothered; Other times lonely or confused....
I know it's part of the journey though and I am now feeling a lot more positive. It's mad how my feelings yoyo from one extreme to the other. But then that's what this industry is like. I had a very important meeting 2 days ago which I feel in my heart is the start of something good...
The last couple of days have been a combination of work and pleasure; the workshops are a priority right now; plus I'm about to start filming and I am making a lot of changes. Yesterday I went to a low p little spot in Camden for a dance with a few of my people. It was cool. I liked that it wasn't a hype or anything extravagant. It was what I needed right then; Hip hop, a little drink, a little dance. Yo Sushi is my latest favourite spot to munch, so that's where I am between every meeting. Literally.
People let you down, but then others are there to pick you up; and that's what matters. If you have noone to pick you up you'll have problems. I'm lucky to have friends around me that I can trust with my life and that I know will always be there for me.
A lot of you still email me about my post regarding what love can do to you. It's good to know that so many of you relate. Well to be honest I decided to follow my head and not my heart; A few days ago, I stayed with him for what I believe and what I hope to be the last time. It was lovely and wonderful and it's obvious that we are still in love; but I cannot be in something that doesn't help me to grow.
Girls, It doesn't matter how much they say they love you or how much you love them; If they do not appreciate or encourage you in your chosen career paths then they are not the one.
To be honest it is the epitome of bad timing; I am not ready to get married or give up my career; It's only just starting as far as I am concerned! I am 21, excited to think of my future and where I will be by 25/26. Then I will settle down and have children, so I can provide for them fully and give them my all.
Why do men want to trap you and make you their "Trophy wife" ?
And does it mean that you don't love them as much if you are not willing to sacrifice it all for them? Or are they the ones that can't truly love you if they expect you to sacrifice it all for them?
What a load of confusing and time-wasting shit.
Thats why for a while now it's just going to be about me. And if the right guy comes along he will just have to fit into my schedule ;) No just kidding but seriously, I am done with being controlled or being told how to live. No one can do that for me but me.
He says he loves me, he chose me over all the others, he wants to find a wife blah blah blah
Sorry but not going to happen. Keep the other night as a special memory. ;)
Time we moved on
As for moving on, I am looking at apartments in Miami..... I AM SICK OF LONDON!!
Anyway, the sun is shining and I'm feeling good! I'm about to meet a lovely friend of mine that I haven't seen for a while and miss so much!
I may not be on here for the next few days as I will be filming, but I will do my best to keep you posted
Love ya
Portia xx
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6 comments:
Rar.... Your man should support you in what your doing... I think alot of guy's (& gals) can't handle the fact that what you do is ACTUALLY BUSINESS!
He should be helping you to cop the MTV cribs, Cars n clothing NOT holdin u back...
No I-wanna-get-with-you-Portia A$$ lickin here...
I'm goin through a similar situation myself right now...
Like you said... if people don't believe in your dream then why be with them?
A good post.
Chris
x
Thanks Chris
I agree partly with him, but a lot more with you, myself and most others!
But it seems the more successful I get, the more men want to lock me down. What is that all about? Either that or they are too intimidated and tell me I'm "Too much to handle"
They just ain't man enough.
At some point, very soon in my life, there is not going to be ANYTHING a man can offer me that I can't offer myself; Ballin Baby!! ;)
I agree it may not be that nice to know that your "wife" is known, but if she isn't known for bad reasons then what is the problem?
I don't want to lie and say that in my case he wasn't supportive; He was extremely supportive but just not in everything, and for me that isn't good enough.
How is your situation similar? Is your partner not feeling what you do?
Portia x
"Ballin Baby!! ;)" I like that... haha
Yeah for sure I think guy's wanna lock you down because u look GOOD! haha but yah, seriously..
I think it can only work if that person that wants to be with you for the next 20 years or more also believes in your vision...
Problem with mine is similar, supportive in most things but not in my Entrepreneurial ventures... which is actually the direction my life is heading in...
It can be a pain to say the least when you're trying to forge ahead and having a partner who's like - "What are you doing that for? It's never going to amount to nothing..."
I think the sad fact is they're losers/non-achiever's so they want you to be too..
Some partners actually get JEALOUS the more successful and the further ahead you get in life...
To be honest at times, I’m feeling the need to be single so I can plough on at light speed and Just Do The Damn Thang! lol
I work in Finance and see everything I do, friends do, and possible women in my life as investments. Whats a good investment, whats worth investing in for the long term success of the "team" (she and I).
If he cannot see your vision and support that, then I agree, he is not the one. (not trying to run game or nothing like that whatsoever)
You are an unbelievably beautiful woman, and our beauty will take you VERY far, but it is in your mind that you can go further. Beauty is an asset, treat it as such to get where you want to be and blaze your OWN trail to get there.
I'm sure the modeling is just the tip of the iceberg, and with anything there will be sacrifice, for both he and yourself.
Just make a decision that YOU can live with that truly determines if the Ends truly justifies the means.
The original JS still loves you..
(i got my definitions of love- but i do feel u mind body & soul)
Sorry but who is this? Jay Serve or Jay Stewart? xx
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