Diary of a Lioness



Wednesday 30 July 2008


I had a really nice last two days; mainly because there was a good balance; I mixed business with pleasure...Managed to get a lot of work done and still have time to relax, see my family and take some time out. Mind you, if I'm honest, my days are a lot longer than most peoples because I rarely sleep (no not on drugs, still don't know how I stay awake to be honest; guess my body's just used to it) so I can fit a lot in. I went down to my mums late afternoon yesterday and it was lovely to see my little sisters. I miss them so much; I hate that they do not live in London. Then again I'm hardly ever in London, but that's not the point. I took my little godson down with me; they're more or less the same ages (2 and 3) and really enjoyed themselves. They are all so cute!

This morning I had a meeting regarding my charity, and I had to see an agency about joining their books. They liked me and took me on. I'm quite excited because they are a really big agency. I thought they would turn me down because of my height. But once again I've proved that there is nothing stopping me! Anyway it's not fair that runway models have to be so tall. I want to break barriers and pathe the way for future models. It' s bad enough we get discriminated for not being blonde and skinny, or for not having a straight enough nose, etc. I've been fortunate enough to still do fashion shows, including work for Baby Phat. But my height still restricts me; I intend to change that. To any models reading this; if you hear about an open casting but you don't fit the height requirements; f*** it, still go. Go there and take the casting directors/clients breath away. Kill that runway. Show them why you should represent them so they forget why you shouldn't. The worst that can happen is they don't pick you (or just think you can't read casting requirements properly) But if anything they will keep you in mind for a future project.

Anyway, another big agency called me yesterday and asked to see me, so I have an appointment with them on Friday....wish me luck! I will be happy as long as I am on the books of these two agencies; because I was getting frustrated with my agency here, and I have representation in the States but noone really solid or established behind me in the UK. I am looking for an agent and a new P.A; I'm finding it hard juggling everything myself now and as much as I find it hard to trust anyone else to deal with my own business I think it has to be done. My friends keep telling me and I think it's time I followed their advice. At least that way I could get some sleep! And still get more done! It's a win-win situation.

Anyway, after my 2nd meeting I did a bit of shopping for bits and bobs and then in the early evening I met up with friends and went to Regents Park to chillax. Yes, chillax. That's my word. And that's what I was doing.

The only down-fall to my day was ordering a slice of pizza that looked absolutely scrumptious; then finding a thick greasy hair on it. Lovely.

I am loving the weather. I think England would be a much happier place if the weather was always like this. Forget bad weather and bad attitudes. Who needs it? It's bad enough that it is overcrowded, overpriced and that most people are underpaid. Walking through London sometimes is like walking through a war-zone! So much anger and I'm not fully surprised. I would like to buy a house abroad; Miami is my first choice at the moment because I can work a lot there as well. And it's down the road from gorgeous islands like Barbados. Reem (www.myspace.com/Reemmyspace) and I are going to be out there working (and partying, lol) for a few months before the end of the year so I will be able to know more of what it is like to live out there. Because every time I fly out anywhere I'm never there longer than a couple of weeks.

Anyway, I just got the munchies so I'm about to go and eat some rice. Yes, it is 2.30am. But what difference does that make? I'm hungry.

Off to Manchester tomorrow; I really want to elaborate on my last post but I am not sure where to start right now....so I will wait until the right time. Hopefully you will hear it all from me first before hearing it anywhere else.....

Portia x x
I am living multiple lives.

I am split 3 ways

I will elaborate when I have the time, and the words, to do so


Portia x x

Sunday 27 July 2008

Tired...

I am so emotionally, physically and mentally drained.

I had yesterday and today off, and will not be back in London until tomorrow night, so I used that time to catch up on a lot of paperwork, unread emails etc that have been building up throughout the weeks.

I am physically drained because I have not slept in weeks.

I am mentally drained what with work, the charity and my brain is running overtime.

I am emotionally drained because once again I have been stabbed in the back.


When you love someone you really compromise, don't you? No matter what they do to hurt you, you're still there for them, loving them, needing them. You start to make excuses for them, and you blame yourself for their actions. When you love someone too much, it's not healthy. Because every time you forgive them, every time you make an excuse for the hurt they cause you, they take a piece of you. You let the hurt consume your time and your energy. You begin to question and doubt yourself.

There are times, however, when you know it's not your fault; some people will just never appreciate you. . But that doesn't stop you from loving or wanting them. It doesn't stop you from wishing things were different, or wishing you could rewind time. Oh, that reminds me of a tune from Kelly Rowland's latest album "Flashback". Got that song on repeat.

If it wasn't for my work I would be a wreck! Because I know, as long as I am successful and healthy and I achieve my dream; noone else can determine whether I am happy or not. Eventually, in time, maybe, I will stop loving so strong. Or perhaps not. But I can at least try.

I'm filming live tomorrow; from 5am! So I am going to try to get an early night...early meaning by midnight but that will probably not happen.

Surprise surpise, the man in question just called to apologise for upsetting me. How typical. And now I am in love all over again. Ridiculous, right? He's made me lose my trail of thought....so I will love you and leave you with this;

If something is not meant to be, how come it keeps happening?



Portia x x

Friday 25 July 2008

Welcome...


I used to keep a diary, many years ago. Then I stopped. I stopped writing down my thoughts, feelings, experiences. It's been a while since I expressed myself properly; perhaps it will still take me a while to start doing so again. I lost my diary. I've moved house so many times that I lost a lot of important things. It's a shame, because diaries are beautiful. You guys may know me as a model, presenter, or entrepreneur. You may know me as that girl from myspace. You may not like me. You might be a fan. Whatever your reasons for reading my blog, I appreciate that you are taking the time to do so.

I will be treating this blog as my own personal diary. Welcome to my world.

Portia x x