Tired...

I am so emotionally, physically and mentally drained.

I had yesterday and today off, and will not be back in London until tomorrow night, so I used that time to catch up on a lot of paperwork, unread emails etc that have been building up throughout the weeks.

I am physically drained because I have not slept in weeks.

I am mentally drained what with work, the charity and my brain is running overtime.

I am emotionally drained because once again I have been stabbed in the back.


When you love someone you really compromise, don't you? No matter what they do to hurt you, you're still there for them, loving them, needing them. You start to make excuses for them, and you blame yourself for their actions. When you love someone too much, it's not healthy. Because every time you forgive them, every time you make an excuse for the hurt they cause you, they take a piece of you. You let the hurt consume your time and your energy. You begin to question and doubt yourself.

There are times, however, when you know it's not your fault; some people will just never appreciate you. . But that doesn't stop you from loving or wanting them. It doesn't stop you from wishing things were different, or wishing you could rewind time. Oh, that reminds me of a tune from Kelly Rowland's latest album "Flashback". Got that song on repeat.

If it wasn't for my work I would be a wreck! Because I know, as long as I am successful and healthy and I achieve my dream; noone else can determine whether I am happy or not. Eventually, in time, maybe, I will stop loving so strong. Or perhaps not. But I can at least try.

I'm filming live tomorrow; from 5am! So I am going to try to get an early night...early meaning by midnight but that will probably not happen.

Surprise surpise, the man in question just called to apologise for upsetting me. How typical. And now I am in love all over again. Ridiculous, right? He's made me lose my trail of thought....so I will love you and leave you with this;

If something is not meant to be, how come it keeps happening?



Portia x x