Well I don't really know where to start! The last two days have been soooo hectic but soooo much fun!! A lot of hard work and I am feeling like crap! But it's been wicked. The evening of my last post, I ended up going to the UMA launch party and Urban Superstar Semi-Finals. I wasn't going to go but I got calls and I was in the area anyway (was stuffing my face in Mr Jerks) so thought I might as well pass through. I looked a bit of a state as I had been running around all day and everyone was dressed up! It didn't help that my photographer Jay Stewart insisted on snapping me all damn night looking like shite AND on top of that tagged the damn pics on FaceBook! But I had a really nice night; It was a bit of a reunion actually! Saw some faces I've missed so that was nice.... Uk's got some serious talent; well done to all that performed.

I've been filming for a new show (You'll just have to wait to see it) I'm not sure and haven't checked how much I can tell you about it but lets just say it's a fantastic project! Oh I can't wait till it's all finished. The last 2 days filming was only a tiny segment! Anyway, I am co-presenting with China's number 1 RnB singer Ayi Jihu and I know you are all going to love it. I want to thank Supafly for dressing me and making sure I've got the latest Apple Bottom's and Baby Phat ;)

After filming all day, I attended Catwalk live as there was an oriental modeling competition going on, with Abercrombie and Fitch and Impact model management looking for a new oriental face. There were some great girls on the catwalk; and some not so great. The judges and I had a little laugh. But they all did really well. I interviewed a few of them before the show, and then interviewed the finalists. I'm looking forward to the finals!

Today it was back to filming, despite getting a really late night. But I'm not complaining; Mackin Scissors hooked me up with a serious body massage and manicure to prepare me for shooting...Thanks! And thank you God for a bit of sun over the weekend, really appreciated!! We did a lot of filming outside so that made our lives easier.

I'm going to try to get an early night; whether or not that will happen is another story. I've been asked to be on the panel for a casting tomorrow. I think it is a casting for The Sunday Show, Lil Wayne and Joe Budden. So good luck to any girl that's attending.

Let me love you and leave you; I've still got so much to tell you but I really can't stare at this screen any longer because my eyes are stinging like mad!!

Never give up on your dream. Not ever.

Portia xx

Old Beginnings...

Ok so I have been feeling a little crazy recently; In this industry it's very hard to know who to trust and sometimes you feel suffocated, smothered; Other times lonely or confused....

I know it's part of the journey though and I am now feeling a lot more positive. It's mad how my feelings yoyo from one extreme to the other. But then that's what this industry is like. I had a very important meeting 2 days ago which I feel in my heart is the start of something good...

The last couple of days have been a combination of work and pleasure; the workshops are a priority right now; plus I'm about to start filming and I am making a lot of changes. Yesterday I went to a low p little spot in Camden for a dance with a few of my people. It was cool. I liked that it wasn't a hype or anything extravagant. It was what I needed right then; Hip hop, a little drink, a little dance. Yo Sushi is my latest favourite spot to munch, so that's where I am between every meeting. Literally.

People let you down, but then others are there to pick you up; and that's what matters. If you have noone to pick you up you'll have problems. I'm lucky to have friends around me that I can trust with my life and that I know will always be there for me.

A lot of you still email me about my post regarding what love can do to you. It's good to know that so many of you relate. Well to be honest I decided to follow my head and not my heart; A few days ago, I stayed with him for what I believe and what I hope to be the last time. It was lovely and wonderful and it's obvious that we are still in love; but I cannot be in something that doesn't help me to grow.

Girls, It doesn't matter how much they say they love you or how much you love them; If they do not appreciate or encourage you in your chosen career paths then they are not the one.

To be honest it is the epitome of bad timing; I am not ready to get married or give up my career; It's only just starting as far as I am concerned! I am 21, excited to think of my future and where I will be by 25/26. Then I will settle down and have children, so I can provide for them fully and give them my all.

Why do men want to trap you and make you their "Trophy wife" ?

And does it mean that you don't love them as much if you are not willing to sacrifice it all for them? Or are they the ones that can't truly love you if they expect you to sacrifice it all for them?

What a load of confusing and time-wasting shit.

Thats why for a while now it's just going to be about me. And if the right guy comes along he will just have to fit into my schedule ;) No just kidding but seriously, I am done with being controlled or being told how to live. No one can do that for me but me.

He says he loves me, he chose me over all the others, he wants to find a wife blah blah blah

Sorry but not going to happen. Keep the other night as a special memory. ;)

Time we moved on

As for moving on, I am looking at apartments in Miami..... I AM SICK OF LONDON!!

Anyway, the sun is shining and I'm feeling good! I'm about to meet a lovely friend of mine that I haven't seen for a while and miss so much!

I may not be on here for the next few days as I will be filming, but I will do my best to keep you posted

Love ya

Portia xx

DROWNING

Sometimes I feel like I am struggling to stay afloat; Every time I get above the surface something pulls me down again, constantly trying to drown or suffocate me. I can't breathe. I can't sleep. I shout but no one hears me. I struggle, I stay positive and strong, but something stronger, something evil tries to destroy me.

Sometimes, rarely, a float passes my way. It guides me and it helps me. It shows me that things will be ok; I just have to keep holding on. But it's not always that easy to hold on. The float gets washed away, or my fingers cannot keep grip. How many times will I fall before drowning? How many times will someone kick me back down the minute I land on solid ground?

FINALLY!!

Finally!! You can see some footage from my networking event; there is another version shot by Jump Off that I will put up for you soon....

Thank you to 601 TV for covering the event. The link is below... enjoy ;) xxxx

Please note that I wasn't "founded" by "Hot Pinq", nor have I ever been booked for a job through them.

http://www.new.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=37427914407

I'm off to an important meeting this evening; quite nervous so wish me luck!

Portia xx

UNBELIEVABLE

I don't know where to start; so I will just get straight to the point.

I like to think that I don't have enemies; it's too time consuming and I can't put up with all that negative shit. It's pointless, it's not constructive, and it doesn't do anyone any good.

Recently I have been getting messages asking if I know a particular person as she has been speaking my name, spreading lies and rumours and generally having too much time for me. I have been ignoring these messages as I don't want to waste my breath talking about someone so insignificant to me. If I do respond; I just say that I don't know who they are talking about and get on with something more positive or worth my while.

Anyway, today my suspicions were confirmed; a 30 year old woman named Nadine Marissa Charles, and another girl called Nadia Yasmin Chaudhery have set up fake profiles and are sending out messages to everyone on myspace and facebook from these fake profiles AND also their own profiles, bad-mouthing me and spreading some really horrible, nasty, untrue stuff. What's funny is the two sad cows even spoke about what they were going to do on Nadines wall, spent their times composing it, and got really excited about it.

Anyway, hundreds of loyal fans and friends have messaged me and forwarded me the messages and have confirmed that it is these two pathetic girls.

Now I tried to avoid having to even breathe their names, cos lets face it, what they are doing is sad but above all that it is nasty and cruel, something I shouldn't have to tolerate. But they have taken it too far and I need to let people know exactly what these girls are about. Now I am not going to name-call or get personal, because that would put me on their lower than low level. But I will happily let you all know the ridiculous levels that girls will go to when they are jealous of someone or unhappy with their own lives. I think that Nadine should spend more time on herself and her own career as I do mine. Will she still be doing this when she hits 40?

I want to thank all the messages that I have received regarding this matter; they were touching and it's good to see that most people can see through jealousy and bitchiness. I also want to thank you all for making me aware. You are all right; I know now that it is simply jealousy. You all tell me to keep my head up and ignore it because they are evil and are just living proof that I am successful. But to be honest it's slightly depressing; I don't need nastiness like this right now. It's not nice to think that so many lies are being spread. I can only pray for them and hope that they get a life and learn to love themselves. When people are bitches like that it can only be because they are angry or unhappy with themselves. Which makes it their problem, not mine. The last message I read said that I shouldn't even mention them as it is giving them status they don't deserve; maybe they want some publicity or to be noticed?

All I'm trying to do is live my life in a healthy, happy and positive way, as well as helping others along the way. All of my businesses are aimed towards helping people, yet I have girls trying to bring me down!! It's crazy....

Take this as a lesson guys; The more successful you get, the more spite and evil you have to endure.

When will it end?

What is hilarious is they will actually try to deny it; when there is SOLID PROOF from hundreds of people that they have even sent it from their own profile. Wow. There is no way they can get out of this yet they will continue to lie. I feel sorry for them

I can't be bothered to speak on the matter any more; They've had their moment of fame.

Thank you to those that are there for me and again, thank you for making me aware

Love you all

Portia xxxx

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=e-LFBNbDzBs

A Nice Surprise From Kanye...

kanYe West : Blog 7:38pm

Source: www.kanyeuniversecit...

I was feeling slightly irritable today. I was getting frustrated with work and emails. Realised I hadn't eaten a proper meal yet by the time it was 7pm and kinda figured that was also a factor



Anyway I signed into FB and guess what? My friend had left me a lovely little congratulatory message for being featured on Kanye West's blog! He was like "You probably already know.."

But I didn't! To be honest I only ever saw his blog once when my girl Kesh was on it...

I was just really flattered because I had no idea, and other women he has spoke about in previous posts include Ciara, Penelope Cruz, Scarlett Johansson, Naomi Campbell, Stacey Dash, Cassie, Kelly Brook....

Anyway that had me smiling for a bit ;)

Thanks to everyone supporting me and for all your lovely messages and emails

Portia xx

P.s Check out my workshops xx

Edit

BECOME A PROFESSIONAL MODEL WITH PORTIA

DO YOU WANT TO MODEL? ARE YOU AN EXISTING MODEL? PORTIA KEEPS IT REAL AT HER MASTER CLASS AND WORKSHOP. Being the first and only U.K model to appear in Americas SHOW, Portia has had enough experience ...

I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

Things are looking good ;)

I have been forgetting to eat (ok lets face it, not forgetting but not having the time) and I am looking a bit rough due to lack of sleep looool but Oh My Days it is worth it.

It wouldn't be so bad if I only had my modeling to concentrate on; but because of my businesses and other projects I hardly get a spare second. Slowly but surely I am building my team ;)

Having people you can trust to help you really makes a difference. But as you know I find it hard to trust people when it comes to my work and end up doing EVERYTHING.

The dates for my calendar shoots have been confirmed. I will be having a launch party soon so look out for that. You know it'll be big!! Reem and I are going to be casting for stunning girls for the launch so keep checking for that. I should also be having launch parties in Holland, Belgium and other places so I'm just really excited.  

Things are falling into place..... I feel blessed...

It's always good to count your blessings

Ok so since my last blog...what can I remember.............ummmm. Oh I can remember that I was supposed to go to the London Week Of Peace because I wanted to support a few of my friends; Ayi Jihu who performed at one of my events and was fantastic! http://www.ayijihu.com 

She's such a wicked performer; she stole the show!! So much energy...And also FDM; big in the game. Still waiting to hear about a group in the UK that can actually really sing and dance. They are amazing at both. Which is why they are blowing...  http://www.myspace.com/FDMonline

But I couldn't make it due to unexpected phone calls and stuff to do, so straight after the shoot I was working working working. Pissed I missed it to be honest; wanted to support. Plus I was only down the road which made it worse

Yesterday I was running around; had LOTS of meetings and by 7pm I was almost dying of fatigue and my bloody feet were killing me. But after a meal and some Pinot Grigiot in Pizza Express with a few of my friends I was feeling a lot better, (and tipsy) forgot about the pain and ended up at the Street MC Battles for Jump Off and T4.......http://www.jumpoff.tv/Post/Street-Battle-Basement-in-London_26401 .........I'm not promoting getting drunk in public because I tend to not drink at events but this was different ;) ........SoI got what you might call a bit more than tipsy and had sooooo much fun. It was hilarious.  No pictures. Soorrrreee. But I have had meetings with production companies that want to film me and also Reem and I together so you'll be seeing all the Behind The Scenes, including 

WhatYourNotSupposedToReallySeeButWe'llShowYouAnyway footage, as well as my constructive side obviously ;) And lots of other stuff but I'm not gonna brief ya, sorry. You'll just have to wait. But in the meantime you will soon be able to watch a video blog of myself and Reem, just something either ourselves or our camera crew have filmed. We have been filming bits and bobs so we will be putting it all together for you to have a laugh any time now. 

It's such a shame how you miss getting certain moments on camera though isn't it?  In life, you never know what might happen.  Which is why when I can and I remember I tend to get stuff recorded....

After the battles I went to see a friend........Life confuses me......Or I confuse me......Bit of both

Today, working but not as much; had a lazyish morning though. I shouldn't really be chilling out right now but to be honest I can't move right now! So it's the usual; emails emails emails. Proposals/editing.  If it's not that it's bloody social networks like FACEBOOK and I'm not dissing it but it is demanding!! And if it's not that it's phone calls... so as I write I have just put my phone on silent; it's already kinda on silent, vibrate or beep once cos I can't stand ringtones but that has now been turned right off.   Peace.......Something I need right now

It's now 7.20 and I haven't eaten since early afternoon so I'm going to go and raid the kitchen...

Catch you soon 

Portia x x

6.40 AM....

Heeeeeyyy. It's 6.40am and I am sooo tired but I'm still working despite the fact that my head is still aching like mad and every few minutes I wake up because I've knocked my head on the keyboard.  But....Had a really constructive day; got a lot done so the side effects of sleep deprivation  are worth it. I started the day with Reem's photoshoot; she shot for PHLOH mag www.myspace.com/privateforum and I went down to support her plus meet with some of the crew and designers about some business.  It was an outside shoot and the weather was gorgeous so it turned out to be a really enjoyable morning. Reem and I caught so much joke as usual and we brought the camera... ;)  For exclusive Behind  The Scenes footage of us you're just going to have to wait.... but I've uploaded a short vid of the shoot for you. 

Thanks to ZEETVD for the edit

C0-Editers: Portia Freno & Reem Kanj  ;) (Be proud of us)

Gonna leave you guys with that and get back to you in a bit because I just found out I have to pop out

Portia x x 

I HAVE THE WORST MIGRAINE EVER!!!!

My head is BANGING! I have never had a headache so flippin bad. I don't really get headaches; but when I do it's nothing a bottle of water can't clear.

Right now this is not the case.

It's quite inconvenient as well because I've been running around most of the day and have so much to do that it's just peeing me off. 

Anyway, things are really hectic at the moment; my head is just buzzing with plans, ideas, my projects. Maybe that's why I have a migraine. I've got a workshop coming up and sorting that out is crazy! But I want it to be really good for all the girls that attend so it's worth it. I'm shooting my calendar! yeeeeeeeeeeeeey how exciting!! I'm supposed to be eating well and working out..............hmmmmmm.............

Yeah so on top of that there's the next jump off, then there's the next issue of Eclectic....

There are events to plan, events to attend, shoots to be shot, girls to be scouted....

AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

That's the noise in my head right now

Ever feel like there aren't enough hours in the day? THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH HOURS IN THE DAY.

Sometimes I wanna just get on a plane and disappear away from it all. End up on some deserted island. With just a few essentials, of course. 

Couple of my girls

Couple of my boys

Cocktails

Food

Live music

That's why I have to work hard now, play harder later.  

Anyway I need to cook dinner and then get back to my emails....

Ben, Jerry and myself have become really good friends recently. Like, the best of friends. I need to put an end to this friendship. It is destructive and no good for me. 

Best cure for a headache though ;)

Portia x x

Just for you... x x

Here's a little snippet of me shooting for a magazine feature in LA. I am the first and only non-American to grace the pages so I am really proud! I had like a 10 page spread or something, as well as lots of shots throughout the mag...anyway....enjoy x x

Portia x x

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAtdNW2Woq8

My models from the Sep 08 Jump Off x x

Hey,

Ok so you can now check out some of the pics from the photo shoot at the Jump Off; celebrating HHC's 20th Anniversary. Even better, you can vote for the model you want to get a feature in Hip Hop Connection! All the girl's were fantastic and it's going to be hard only sending one for the magazine spread. I'm just glad they are all getting really good exposure. I will let you all know when their interviews/videos are up...

The link to view and vote is below; make sure you pick your favourite!

Portia x x x x


http://www.jumpoff.tv/forum/viewtopic.php?t=8370

Hello from Stockholm x x

Hey guys,

I've got a spare 10 minutes so thought I should post up a quick blog; I've hardly had time to be on the net the last few days....It's been quite hectic. I'll start off with the Jump Off last Monday; wicked night!! I started the night off with my photoshoot; I chose 5 girls to model in front of a live audience. It was Hip Hop Connections 20th Anniversary, so I got them posing with lots of big artists. I was really really proud of my models; they were fantastic! I got them a lot of exposure; Jump Off filmed their shoot and interviewed them and Jump off's site gets so many hits! One of the girls will get a spread in HHC's November issue! Big stuff ;) There were also quite a few clients at the event that have already started enquiring about booking my models for work; I am so happy! A successful night! It was a full house; well done to Ara who was sweating and working hard all night! And I'm really grateful to those that came down to support it; I've had loads of positive feedback about the shoot!

The next morning I had a shoot myself which actually got cancelled last minute! :( So guess what I did instead? Went to the Harrods Pizzeria and stuffed my face (That spot has been attacked a few times too many in the last few months) Still, everytime I order my usual; a margherita with avocado, the waitress gives me the same look and says the same thing "This is what you ordered, right?" YEEEESSS. You know it's what I ordered. What is so strange about avocado on a pizza? Trust me it is beautiful. I am a food expert; I should know. Talking about food; I really have been enjoying it a bit too much really; I'm lucky that I can eat so much and not get fat, but I don't want to speak too soon! I'm in shape for my calendar right now; let's keep it that way.... ;)

No but I really have been over-indulging in ice cream and pizza, and Selfridges do the best jacket potatoes that come the size of the plate. Oh I love it.

Ok, enough about food. So Wednesday I had a telephone interview which will be put in a US mag (I'll let you know when it's out) and then I had a shoot where I more or less looked bald...but the pics look hot, seriously! Thursday, yesterday, I didn't do much physically; spent a lot of the time on the phone abroad (business) did some light shopping and had a quick dinner date...

I am about to leave the house now; I have a lunch meeting and I also need to finalise details for my next workshop. More details will be posted up on here soon http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=9658239703&refurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.facebook.com%2Fs.php%3Fn%3D-1%26k%3D200000010%26init%3Ds%253Agroup%26q%3Dbecome%2Ba%2Bprofessional

Join the page and it will keep you posted.

Anyway, gotta love you and leave you,

Back soon,

Portia x x

A change of heart....

...In more ways than one.

I have been feeling quite down these last couple of days; my work and personal life had taken it's toll; I felt like I was surrounded by bad vibes, nastiness and jealousy, was feeling quite depressed and as a result I was attracting more and more bad situations (I'm a strong believer of like attracts like, well it is simple physics after all)

But today I am feeling a lot more positive; I took a look around me and realised I should be smiling. I am not going to let all these negative factors bring me down; that's what they want. Some people have resentments because they are not where they want to be in life so they resort to trying to put others down, to make their situation look better. It's very unattractive, but then so is being depressed, so I realised I had to snap out of it! All these bad things started happening to me, and to be honest they still are, but a lot worse is happening to others as I write this, so I will count my blessings rather than be weak.

I met a few inspirational people today, and I took the next step in a project I have going on at the moment (all will be revealed soon, I promise) so I'm feeling positive. See! The minute I decided to change my negative energy for positive I benefited from it!

I have some great applicants for my new PA, so I will be meeting with them soon and making a choice...I really do find it hard to trust anyone but I will just have to! I've been my own manager, agent, PA, etc for a while now and it hasn't done me too bad! But I am starting to accept help; as you know I joined a big modelling agency the other day, and I already have management in the States dealing with my international affairs....Oh life is good ;)

I'm loving this change of heart....

Now I said in more ways than one right? Well let's just say I am really starting to see things differently. I guess I'm just maturing due to experiences and I'm starting to understand exactly what love is....

It feels great....

Portia x x

The Key To Success.....

Is to find your OWN IDENTITY. Know what it is YOU want, and WHY you are GOING TO GET IT. What makes you DIFFERENT to others? What makes you STAND OUT?

I am writing this especially for certain individuals; you know who you are.

The reason I have been successful in my career so far is down to me being me. You will not get anywhere in life trying to be someone else or something that you're not. Don't get me wrong; it's not always enough to just be yourself. You have to GET YOUR NAME OUT THERE. You have to have good marketing strategies; something I am blessed to have naturally.

It is a shame that some people have to copy my marketing strategies to try to become successful; it is also a shame that they aren't good enough to get out there on their own. I was flattered at first; but do some people not have any shame? I mean, are they not embarrassed?

You know who you are


YOU ARE OPENLY AND PUBLICLY TRYING TO BE ME. I am cringing for you!

My workshops teach girls how to find their own individuality, and yes, I will cover marketing skills with them, but that is different. I WANT to help them because they are my workshop girls.
But when some has-beens are literally trying to be Portia Freno I find it ridiculous. You can be inspired by Portia, you can get tips from Portia and help your own career grow, but you can't be me. Why would you want to be? I mean, I have role models but I don't want to be them! I want to learn from them.

Like I said, you know who you are. Don't be shy to hit me up and ask for advice rather than the silliness you are doing now; that way you will save a lot of face.Don't you want to know that you made it because you were capable? Not because of me??!!!!

I don't mean to sound bitchy girls and guys, this is only aimed at certain people and if you knew what they were doing you would laugh and agree! I do in fact wish them all the best in their endeavors; everyone deserves a chance and after years and years of trying it's what they deserve...

Anyway, I have some research to do for my next article in Eclectic magazine; I think you will find this one interesting....

Write down 5 things that you love about yourself before you sleep tonight

Portia x x

STABBINGS AND SECRETS

Hey,

Ok, so I know it's been a while since I wrote on this, but there are a couple of reasons. The first reason is that I really didn't have time. I do now though, as I have taken a few days out to go and see my family, catch up on paperwork etc and relax a bit. I'm constantly running around and my body shut down last week; a way of telling me I need to chill out sometimes. Even when I'm chilling my brain is working overtime. I haven't slept properly in months. The second reason is I can't write about half of the stuff I want to; professionally and personally. I have been advised not to write about certain things; which is quite infuriating but I guess you'll all have to find out when the time is right! I am itching to mention what I have in the pipeline....but rules are rules and I guess I'll just have to abide by them. The only reason I'm a bit pissed is because this was supposed to be like my personal diary; obviously not too personal, lol, but I wanted to let my readers know exactly what goes on in my life.

Anyway, so much has happened since I last wrote I don't even know where to start. I got accepted by the agencies so I'm really happy. There is a certain someone in the same industry as me who tried to tarnish my image; there is history behind us and she is really working on ruining my reputation, but it didn't work! The things that have been going on with me are like a bloody movie! I didn't realise that girls could be that ridiculous but then what can I say; I am only flattered really. I was a bit pissed off cos in the past it has messed up a couple of my modelling assignments, but what goes around comes around so I am not too fussed. I know why she hates on me anyway; I just think she could have been a bit more grown up about it.

You are not going to believe the next bit; I was advised not to mention this but I'm going to anyway; I'm already keeping most things secret and I want to keep it real with my fans; I got stabbed. Yes STABBED. I am ok, but it was a really horrible experience. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time (well actually I wasn't, because the drama came to me) and I am just thankful to God that it was not a lot more serious. I can only pray that the girl that did it finds it in herself to grow up and learn that the way she lives her life is wrong. What she did was awful. Can you believe it? Me of all people. I mean, I can handle a constructive argument but violence like that makes me sick. What makes it worse is that I had nothing to do with the girl and vice versa. It just shows how innocent people can get seriously hurt. She is dangerous and people like that should be locked up; I am sick of hearing about innocent (or even not that innocent) people getting killed or seriously hurt because of knife crime. Please join my group and support the cause http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=21638434823#/group.php?gid=23803577281

Anyway, like I said, I'm cool now, I just hope the scarring isn't too bad cos as a model obviously that is not a good look...

I'm shooting my 2009 calendar which is sooo exciting! I was supposed to do one last year but was too busy; I think I was in the States working and there was just too much to do. I was worried that it was going to be the same this year as I have even more on my plate now and really it should already be out, but I'm going to make sure I have the time for that. I may also do a limited edition one as well to sell from my website; something for the guys maybe?..... ;)

Oh my goodness! I just went to write something then realised that I can't!! Ooooooohhhhhhhh this is not fair! lol. No but seriously, you will be surprised. Just be patient and keep checking my page....

I'm supposed to be in the States but I want to work on my charity so I have postponed it; hopefully I will be back there from October and then I am afraid that my UK fans may not see me for a while....I am happy that Akon is supporting my charity. It really is something that needs to change and to be honest I think all major artists should be raising more awareness.

If you've been hearing a certain rumour it is probably true...but that is all I'm going to say...

I have to go now because I need to go through all my applicants for my photo shoot at Jump Offs next event. One of the girls I pick will get a feature in HHC magazine so it will be really good for their career.

Will love you and leave you

Keep your mind right and your body tight

Portia x x

I had a really nice last two days; mainly because there was a good balance; I mixed business with pleasure...Managed to get a lot of work done and still have time to relax, see my family and take some time out. Mind you, if I'm honest, my days are a lot longer than most peoples because I rarely sleep (no not on drugs, still don't know how I stay awake to be honest; guess my body's just used to it) so I can fit a lot in. I went down to my mums late afternoon yesterday and it was lovely to see my little sisters. I miss them so much; I hate that they do not live in London. Then again I'm hardly ever in London, but that's not the point. I took my little godson down with me; they're more or less the same ages (2 and 3) and really enjoyed themselves. They are all so cute!

This morning I had a meeting regarding my charity, and I had to see an agency about joining their books. They liked me and took me on. I'm quite excited because they are a really big agency. I thought they would turn me down because of my height. But once again I've proved that there is nothing stopping me! Anyway it's not fair that runway models have to be so tall. I want to break barriers and pathe the way for future models. It' s bad enough we get discriminated for not being blonde and skinny, or for not having a straight enough nose, etc. I've been fortunate enough to still do fashion shows, including work for Baby Phat. But my height still restricts me; I intend to change that. To any models reading this; if you hear about an open casting but you don't fit the height requirements; f*** it, still go. Go there and take the casting directors/clients breath away. Kill that runway. Show them why you should represent them so they forget why you shouldn't. The worst that can happen is they don't pick you (or just think you can't read casting requirements properly) But if anything they will keep you in mind for a future project.

Anyway, another big agency called me yesterday and asked to see me, so I have an appointment with them on Friday....wish me luck! I will be happy as long as I am on the books of these two agencies; because I was getting frustrated with my agency here, and I have representation in the States but noone really solid or established behind me in the UK. I am looking for an agent and a new P.A; I'm finding it hard juggling everything myself now and as much as I find it hard to trust anyone else to deal with my own business I think it has to be done. My friends keep telling me and I think it's time I followed their advice. At least that way I could get some sleep! And still get more done! It's a win-win situation.

Anyway, after my 2nd meeting I did a bit of shopping for bits and bobs and then in the early evening I met up with friends and went to Regents Park to chillax. Yes, chillax. That's my word. And that's what I was doing.

The only down-fall to my day was ordering a slice of pizza that looked absolutely scrumptious; then finding a thick greasy hair on it. Lovely.

I am loving the weather. I think England would be a much happier place if the weather was always like this. Forget bad weather and bad attitudes. Who needs it? It's bad enough that it is overcrowded, overpriced and that most people are underpaid. Walking through London sometimes is like walking through a war-zone! So much anger and I'm not fully surprised. I would like to buy a house abroad; Miami is my first choice at the moment because I can work a lot there as well. And it's down the road from gorgeous islands like Barbados. Reem (www.myspace.com/Reemmyspace) and I are going to be out there working (and partying, lol) for a few months before the end of the year so I will be able to know more of what it is like to live out there. Because every time I fly out anywhere I'm never there longer than a couple of weeks.

Anyway, I just got the munchies so I'm about to go and eat some rice. Yes, it is 2.30am. But what difference does that make? I'm hungry.

Off to Manchester tomorrow; I really want to elaborate on my last post but I am not sure where to start right now....so I will wait until the right time. Hopefully you will hear it all from me first before hearing it anywhere else.....

Portia x x

I am living multiple lives.

I am split 3 ways

I will elaborate when I have the time, and the words, to do so


Portia x x

Tired...

I am so emotionally, physically and mentally drained.

I had yesterday and today off, and will not be back in London until tomorrow night, so I used that time to catch up on a lot of paperwork, unread emails etc that have been building up throughout the weeks.

I am physically drained because I have not slept in weeks.

I am mentally drained what with work, the charity and my brain is running overtime.

I am emotionally drained because once again I have been stabbed in the back.


When you love someone you really compromise, don't you? No matter what they do to hurt you, you're still there for them, loving them, needing them. You start to make excuses for them, and you blame yourself for their actions. When you love someone too much, it's not healthy. Because every time you forgive them, every time you make an excuse for the hurt they cause you, they take a piece of you. You let the hurt consume your time and your energy. You begin to question and doubt yourself.

There are times, however, when you know it's not your fault; some people will just never appreciate you. . But that doesn't stop you from loving or wanting them. It doesn't stop you from wishing things were different, or wishing you could rewind time. Oh, that reminds me of a tune from Kelly Rowland's latest album "Flashback". Got that song on repeat.

If it wasn't for my work I would be a wreck! Because I know, as long as I am successful and healthy and I achieve my dream; noone else can determine whether I am happy or not. Eventually, in time, maybe, I will stop loving so strong. Or perhaps not. But I can at least try.

I'm filming live tomorrow; from 5am! So I am going to try to get an early night...early meaning by midnight but that will probably not happen.

Surprise surpise, the man in question just called to apologise for upsetting me. How typical. And now I am in love all over again. Ridiculous, right? He's made me lose my trail of thought....so I will love you and leave you with this;

If something is not meant to be, how come it keeps happening?



Portia x x